As Europe is experiencing a second wave of the infamous covid 19 virus many are asked to limit their social interactions again. It’s been a trying year for many – financially, socially, health-wise, some has experienced loss and pain. It’s been a year like no other and we have found out the hard way, the true importance of human connection.
Many has experienced loneliness in a new way, stronger and deeper. Everyone feels lonely from time to time, it’s a normal human feeling and it’s important to acknowledge that it’s ok to feel this way. As adults, we know that we can’t be happy all the time and other feelings are warranted. It’s the long-term feeling of loneliness that can be harmful. I’m writing this as I want to remind everyone of how important connecting with others is, and that we can still do this in alternative ways. I also want to encourage you to connect with yourself on a deeper level.
First I want to remind you of the fact that loneliness is a feeling. It’s NOT something that defines you and something you simply are – it’s something you feel temporarily. Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean that you are alone. A feeling is the result of our thoughts and our beliefs, as with any thoughts and beliefs, if we shift our perspective we will also experiencing different feelings.
Here are examples of some beliefs that may be attached to your feeling of loneliness during lockdown:
- I’m all alone, I live by myself. If I had a partner, I would not feel alone.
- My friends don’t contact me, I guess I don’t have as many in my life as I thought.
- I can’t go out so there is nothing for me to get out of bed for.
- I can’t meet new people during lockdown.
- I can’t have fun by myself.
- There is nothing I can do to change my situation.
A belief is a conviction that something is true but it doesn’t mean it actually is. If these beliefs are unhelpful, we want to shift these beliefs to a more helpful way of thinking. Let’s look at these 1 by 1.
- Have you ever had a friend who has been in bad relationship? Me too. I think we all know for a fact that just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t feel lonely, it doesn’t mean that you feel more connected. So the fact that you don’t have a partner at the moment or perhaps live alone does’t mean that equals you feeling lonely and others don’t. I want us to shift away from this belief so we can focus on what we all can do to connect more.
- Have you felt overwhelmed this year? I think all of us have at some point or another. A common behavior with us humans is to withdraw in these instances. We tend to isolate ourselves even more when we are feeling down, overwhelmed or lonely. I know it’s very counterproductive, but it’s common. So if you haven’t stayed connected with your friends as much as you would have liked, it doesn’t mean they are not there. Reach out to them and schedule a virtual dinner date now, they might need you as much as you need them!
- Do you remember being a kid and it was rainy day (or snowy day in my case!) and you couldn’t go out. Do you remember how many things you manage to come up with to fill you day? Movies, drawing, building a fortress under the staircase, come up with new games that included a toilet roll and tape, helping mum bake… The creative juice was flowing! As grown ups, we are taught to do “grown up” things and most of our time at home (which tend to be limited in normal cases) is filled with must-dos, not want-tos. This is your time to be a kid again. If you are stuck at home, do your want-tos! Order some paint and a canvas and go crazy! Learn how to bite your toe! If you want to do something that might benefit you long-term, learn something new! Go to https://www.udemy.com/ or any other online course platform and start learning!
- For me, starting a business in 2020 (actually starting two businesses) has definitely brought some interesting challenges. But it has showed me something incredible, the world is SO small. I know we all knew it already but when we have been truly forced to move our connections (and our world) virtually – we have re-discovered that there are NO limitations! When we all have to connect online instead, there are no reason not to connect with people who live on other continents. I have joined several FB communities with people of similar interest as I have where I have actively taken part in discussions and connected directly with people who I felt a deeper bond to. I have connected to women in Texas, California, Main, Italy, India, Philippines.. there have been no limits. So go online and use social media for what is what created to do in the first place – connect with people!
- I refer to point 3 here! You really can have fun by yourself! Do things you like or re-discover something new you didn’t know you liked. Rediscover yourself by really tune into your own wants, desires and needs and create opportunities to satisfy them! Explore what you truly want and not what other people tell you you should want and think of way you can start working your way to that!
- We are all masters of our own life. We have ownership of our actions, and our decisions and we can work on our own thoughts and beliefs which in turn influences our emotions. It’s not always easy, but nothing worth while is. Remember that you are the queen of you own life – you rule!
If any of these beliefs or similar beliefs apply to you, sit down and think of things that argue against this. Prove to yourself that this unhelpful belief is untrue and there are opportunities that you have not seen. If you want help exploring your limiting beliefs – reach out to me! You can also buy my bite sized coaching program about overcoming pitfalls here: https://themikology.com/the-growth-shop/
If you feel a deep sense of loneliness, please don’t hesitate to seek professional help. It’s important to look after our mental health and there are some very skilled people who can help you through it. Find out what support is available where you are.
Here are a few links to more support:
UK – https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/
USA – https://www.mhanational.org/get-involved/contact-us
Sweden – https://mind.se/
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