Some say that if you repeat a pattern enough times, it becomes a fact. When something becomes a fact, we blindly believe it. We use it as a shield in debates and arguments. As a as a tool to influence and persuade and a way to explain or defend something.
But what if the pattern is not helpful, if it’s only repeated because of ingrained habits, if it has only become a fact in your life because you have still not discovered the pattern and broken it?
This is a the second article on how to address limiting and hidden beliefs. You find the first one here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/when-doubt-call-out-mikaela-contreras-/
As you might have guessed by now, one way to uncover hidden beliefs is to uncover your patterns. What behavior is so natural for you that you don’t even know you’re doing it? Some of these will be good and benefit you a great deal but some of them have probably caused unnecessary mishaps and challenges without you realizing it, for a long time.
So how can you start seeing these patterns?
Write down your story. Start from the beginning and work your way through your story until you reach today. It doesn’t have to be in detail and include it all, it would probably take years. But focus on situations that has caused problems, anxiety, misunderstandings, sadness, disappointment, hardship, riffs in relationships or issues at work. Be as specific as you can in those situations.
Once you have your story (it could be a list of bullet points if that’s easier), ask yourself these questions:
– What role did you play in these situations?
– How did you act? How did you behave?
– How do you think other perceived you?
– Could you have done something differently? What?
– If you could re-write the situation what changes would you make? Can you do something to influence these changes in future situations?
– What did you think in those situations that caused your behavior?
Can you see any patterns? What are they? Did you find out that you are always a meddler? That you tend to get into conflicts with your colleagues? That you always are the responsible one in a friends group? That you never get along with your boss? That you tend to not follow through on your plans?
Be aware of excuses!! Don’t use it as a fact to hide behind! If you are looking at these situations and thinking: I could not have done anything different, try to think again. Of course in some instances, you might not have been able to change much but in most of them you probably could – if you are honest with yourself.
Ex. You keep missing deadlines at work because you have so many projects. You might think that it’s not your fault that your boss is giving you too much work. But if you are honest with yourself you probably need to be better at pushing back and flagging your situation to the right people. OR maybe your need help in developing your time management – maybe your struggling with prioritization but not wanting to admit it? It’s sometimes hard to take ownership of your problem and admit that you can change it. But when you do, you fell powerful! Try it!
When I did this exercise on myself I discovered two major things. I rarely ask for help. I keep my worries and fears bottled up (which is ironic as I tend share a lot about myself and talk even more) which has resulted in many sleepless nights and anxiety related situations.
By not asking for help (something that has been a pattern since childhood) I have slowed down my development, wasted unnecessary time, overworked myself and worried about money. Instead of trying to do everything on my own I could have asked experts, family members and friends to support and guide in these situations – it would have been less painful and more effective.
Finding your unhelpful pattern can make a huge impact on your journey. It gives you your power back.
So what do we do when we have uncovered the pattern? First be aware that changing a pattern can be difficult and will take some work. But just by creating awareness you’re already on your way to changing it. Now you can start acknowledging it when it happens!
Ask yourself: What belief is behind this pattern? Why do you act this way?
Look into what’s behind this behavior and try to get to the root cause.
Perhaps it’s a learnt behavior from childhood that you need to unlearn to stop getting in your own way. Perhaps it’s because you have been taught that asking for help means that you’re not smart enough. Whatever it is, it’s time to stop let your patterns rule you. It’s time to rule yourself!
Are you ready to break unhelpful patterns? Why don’t you check our my bite sized coaching package on how to overcome your limiting belief? Click HERE!
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